worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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