I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
