So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
