Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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