Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
