Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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