Too much gin, very little bucket
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
