Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
