I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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