based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
