ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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