its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
