Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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