I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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