I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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