I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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