Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
