It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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