i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
