She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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