the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
