smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
