new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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