Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
