I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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