Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We're too hungover to prance.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
