I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
