Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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