I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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