I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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