Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
