I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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