Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize