Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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