I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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