kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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