Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Fuck appropriateness.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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