when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
