omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
