Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
