South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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