Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
