um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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