ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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