And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
