A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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