an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
