So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
