I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
