I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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