the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
