life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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