this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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