I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
