I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
