Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
