sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
