4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
