She is in my trunk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
