i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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