Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
