You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My ATM looks so different sober.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
