I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
